God's Grace

So many things I could be thinking about. But Gods grace..... It's just amazing. As I sat in church listening to testimony from a sister who's been in the church for decades, I just kept hearing Gods grace. How He changed her, how He made her better, etc. And then it brought me back to this past Thursday when I just had to tell a mom that her two girls are just amazing. I love love love watching them worship and dance and come to the altar, watching them pray for other women. They have even prayed for me. They are such beauties inside and out, and they are so young! But they've already decided that they want God in their life. What grace! And I got to witness that! In fact I've witnessed it 2-3 times a week over the past 5 years. Their mom gave all the glory to God, again, what grace! She took no credit for herself even when I tried to say it starts with an example at home. I know God made that happen but He worked though a willing vessel, her. Now in my life, I am always in awe at what God has done. I used to drink and hang out at clubs and bars. I used to swear like a trucker, I told dirty jokes, laughed at people's misery, even created misery for some people. I was rude, unlady-like, selfish, mean, angry, judgmental, and blamed God and everyone else for all of my mistakes and short comings. I hated people, I picked on people, I belittled people. I never cared who it hurt. But then.....Gods grace. We started going to church and hearing THE TRUTH. Although it was never directed towards me, because how could our pastor know what I was like with us being brand new, the message was always for me. It was constant; repent and be baptized. Every service for weeks this went on. So I spoke to the pastor after service one day and the next week my husband and I were both baptized in the name of Jesus for remission of sin. Just like that, I was given grace. It didn't matter what I did in the past, it didn't matter who I blamed, it didn't matter how many broken promises I made to change if God would just help me through the current situation. None of that mattered. It was all erased. Not just forgiven, but forgotten, gone, it never happened. My favorite line in a song says, "Imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened, is now....gone!" Every time I hear that, I tear up. It's true, it's gone. Don't think that He doesn't know every single thing you've done in the dark or in secret. He sees everything! But His grace can make it go away, all that pain and hurt. No one and nothing on this earth can make that go away, not a bottle, not a drug, not a good deed. They may help temporarily, but not forever. The devil is always quick to remind us of our past, but we don't live there anymore once we are baptized. He just wants to remind you of who you WERE and tries to make you believe that God hasn't forgotten, but I assure you He has. I've done terrible things in my lifetime. Yet God has blessed my marriage, my children, and my life. I know that I wouldn't be with my husband today if it weren't for grace. My girls, although still wouldn't be as bad as the teens nowadays, definitely wouldn't be where they are. My kids are a living testimony of what God can do. They all are good students, great Christians, just great people. Beautiful inside and out, trustworthy, modest, and they make good choices. I wish I could see my life if I never went to church. God isn't done with me yet. I fail Him daily, but there's that grace I keep mentioning. He knows my heart, He knows when I'm truly sorry for mistakes I make. Don't think that just because you're a Christian and you go to church every week, that you are all set. It's not just somewhere to hang out Sunday's so you can feel good about yourself. You have to want to change, and be sensitive to what you are commanded to do. No one will have the same journey as you, so don't be a judging Christian. Maybe God delivered you from a foul mouth but not your brother or sister in the next row. So what! That's between them and God. He doesn't expect you to come out of the waters of baptism and poof, you're perfect! You just need a willing heart. Willing to change and accept conviction. I know I'm all over the place but that's how my brain works. I also realize that I've started a lot of sentences with "and" or "but", which as a grammar freak, I hate!! I write what's on my heart when it's there. There is no time for editing. I'm not writing for my SATs. 

In closing, I will leave you with a piece of my favorite Kirk Franklin song.....

(Spoken)

This song is dedicated to people like me.

Those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self-esteem.

You've never felt good enough, you've never felt pretty enough

But imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened is now...

...gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(It's all gone, every sadness)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(Every mistake, every failure, it's all gone)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(Depression, gone, bad faith, it's gone)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(Low self-esteem, Hallelujah, it's gone, it's all gone)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(It's gone, all my scars, all my pain)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(It's in the past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, ah)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(I can't believe it's gone)

(Gone, what you mother did, what your father did, Hallelujah)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone

(It's gone)

I'll Think of A Title Later...Maybe

My mind often wanders throughout the day. Tonight was no exception. While playing my new app obsession "1010!", I started thinking about one question. If I could be better off financially and not have to worry about paying bills etc, would I be happier and would I trade my current life in for that? My heart already knows the answer is no but I wanted to think of WHY I feel that way. I love my husband with everything I have to give. I've never known complete happiness until I knew him. He isn't perfect, and neither am I. Not by a long shot. Trust me, my husband is a saint haha! That's a whole other blog post. My point is, he is perfect to me. I could never give him up. Many times I have thought about if I lost him and it literally makes me cry. Not just teary, I'm talking sobbing, puffy face, can't get it together crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. Actually I do, I'm in love with him. I've been through so much heartache that I can truly appreciate the godly man he is. I don't have enough time in the day to explain everything I love about him. He makes me laugh, he loves me truly for me, I can trust him totally, he's smart, he's handsome, and he is ALWAYS thinking of me and my feelings. He is so unselfish. I just love him very deeply. There's so much more to add to the list but there's no way I could name every reason. Anyways, I tried to think of anyone I consider a thorn in my side or anyone I'm not too fond of, and if they hit the lottery for example, would I really be happy for them, or be angry because they got what I perceive to be an "undeserved blessing". That's a tough question to answer, especially with a particular person. Then I started thinking, they still couldn't possibly have what I have been blessed with. They might have earthly blessings. They may even be continually blessed with things that I feel I deserve more. However, who am I to discount someone else's blessing simply because they got it and I didn't? My treasures are in heaven. There is nothing this world can give me that would make me want to trade places with someone who seems better off than me. A nice car (one that doesn't have constant issues lately), a big house, no bills, no worries, no struggles..... Those are temporary. They are so very temporary. One day I hope to be in heaven with my king. There, I will have my treasures. Nothing on earth will matter. So you see, if someone around you is catching every break there is, while you just can't seem to get ahead, remember that God works in strange ways. He uses things in ways we can NEVER even begin to comprehend. Your blessing is coming. Besides, in reality, if you have a place to sleep that's indoors and away from this bitter cold weather we are having, if you have clothes on your back, if you can open a bible and read it without being murdered, if you having running water nearby, if you are breathing and moving.....be thankful. Those are blessings. I know it's cliché to say "someone is always worse off that you" but it is the truth. You're mad because you got fired? Be thankful that you can even work. You're upset because your hot water heater broke? Be thankful that you even have water, some places in the world have to walk miles daily to get water. You're feeling down because you only have a few outfits to wear? God has given you clothes, period! Be thankful. Does it suck? Yes! That's life. We are all going to die someday and when we do, that fancy car and big house and fat bank account will not matter in the slightest. It won't fit in your coffin, and soon enough, you will be nothing more than rotten flesh and bones. Stop worrying about what everyone else has and take a second to look around you. If you can't name at least 20 blessings of your own, then you really need to look inside yourself and examine your heart. I know I need to take my own advice too. I hope I can try to be more grateful, more often, going forward. I would like to try to see the good in every situation. I guess this post was really for me. With that, I shall save the rest of my mind ramblings for another day.....

Stop picking flowers! And updates

So here it is...2am. And I'm wide awake. Lately I've been wide awake till at least 4am. Starting a new medicine is no fun. Oh silly me, I just remembered my last post was last year so I should probably do an update first. Ok so big changes in the house. Juliana is now 16. Jocelyn is 15. Mariyah is officially a teenager at 13. Michael is 8. We now raise chickens, 5 ladies. Um.... Still working part time at the pet store. Still homeschooling and going to church. Etc etc. Same same. Oh Michael and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary this past July. I love him more than ever. It just keeps growing more and more as the years go on. Which is awesome!
Ok so back to blogging. I was called on to testify this morning in church and I bombed. Ugh. All the time I have these sweet testimonies to give and I'm all pumped about saying them, but I never get called on. So P.A. calls my name and I'm like having a brain fart and can't remember anything cool to say. So I just said what came to mind and that was about having a good place to come to and how much I love spending time with our church family. I'm thankful to have a place where I don't have to worry about what my kids are hearing or being exposed to. How much I trust the people in our church etc etc. NOW, that is all true. Some people may take for granted that their entire family is in church and therefore share the same beliefs and values as you. That's not the case for us. We have NO family in church. None. Not a third cousin. Not a married into the family uncle. Not even a friend from life before church. It's just us. So we have to be careful. I'm not downing my family at all. I am far, so very far, from being perfect. However, I can't pretend there are not times when I just want to avoid certain situations. It's because of my unique situation that I am thankful to be able to have a holy place to let my kids be free in. No judgement. No swearing. No sex talk. Etc.
Now what I really wanted to testify and say is this: the other week, my son wanted to get his sisters some flowers from the grocery store. He is usually just downright a brat to them so I jump at the chance to have him show love to them. He picked out 3 carnations and gave them to the girls when we got home. They thought it was so sweet. Few days later he asked me why they always die. -side note: I never am able to come up with witty comparisons or metaphors relating one thing to God so this next part I'm really pumped about- OK, so I tell him it's bc once u remove the flower from the plant it is no longer fed by the root. You can put plant food and give it clean water and it will live for a little while but eventually, those things are not enough and in the end it will die. So then I said it's just like church. The church is the roots. The members are each a separate root. Coming together and growing together is how we, as the flower, stay alive. Sure some roots are longer than others, stronger than others and feed the plant more but they all contribute to keeping the flower alive. If that flower or person is cut from the plant or decides to leave, they will eventually die (in their spirit). Yes they can get nourishment from other places like TV evangelists, radio programs, books, etc. Just as the plant can be kept alive by water and plant food. But it's not enough to sustain you. You need your church, the preaching, the fellowship, the ministries, the small groups and so on. Those are your roots. I could go on and on about how a flowers growth compares to our life in Christ. Even to say, what do you do with dead flowers someone bought you? You throw them in the trash and never think of them again. But flowers who die on the plant because they are old or their time is up-they are done blooming. They fall of the plant and fertilize the ground so new plants can grow even stronger. Like the people in the church. One flower or members contributions lead the way for stronger future generations of flowers. Hopefully that makes sense. It makes sense in my head lol! Well that is all. I was hoping some screen time would put me to sleep but no luck. 4am here I come! Eventually my body will get used to it and I can sleep normally but adjustments must be made to find the right solution.

Clean up, clean up, every teen and every tween!

Oh my goodness. I can't take it anymore. These girls' rooms are so gross, I can't believe there are people living and sleeping in there. 

I seriously went to wake them up once and because of the immense stuff in their bed, I thought they were in there but they weren't! They slept in another room. Probably because they couldn't get to their bed. I'm not saying my room doesn't have the occasional bad day. OK! FINE! Bad week....MONTH! However, my room has NEVER looked like that, even when I was a kid. It's quite scary. 

I do not know how to get them to keep it clean. I've tried allowances, yelling, punishing, stickers, rewards, applause, ignoring, laughing, helping and anything else you can think of. I even cleaned it once myself. Took me 10 hours!! No lie! 5 garbage bags later, their room was spotless. I don't know why they can't keep it clean. 

(Is this what it's like in heaven?)

*sigh*......Suggestions welcome. I'm on my last idea: only allowing a bed, dresser and one rubbermaid tote each. If it doesn't fit, you must toss it. Today, they are stuck cleaning until it is clutter and garbage free. I know it's so mean, but what other options do I have??? They have to learn to keep a clean room or they will end up on an episode of hoarders!

PS: These pictures are the closest thing I could find to what their ACTUAL room looks like. These are still cleaner LOL!

This Is Me. Raw & Uncut.

Ok. I am freely going to admit some things here and I'm doing it simply because I'm human. I am simply flesh and I need help with this. I am sending out a caution now~there may be some harsh things said here and it may not be very christian. Though I will try to keep it as nice as I can stand. 

So, its no shock that my unwedded relationship with Mariyah's dad, didn't end like a fairy tale. I had a child with someone even though our relationship was not stable. I was stupid, I thought a baby would fix it...WRONG. Ladies, as sure as I am writing this, please trust me when I tell you, babies are not band-aids. *sigh* Moving on. My daughter is 11 years old and I have 7 years left before I can start phasing out her father. Not that I want her to grow anytime soon. I know that he will always be a part of my life but once she is 18, there will be no need for all the court drama and nasty text messages he sends. No need for the constant fighting between us because we have completely opposite parenting styles. I can't even begin to explain how opposite. There's a reason I have sole custody. I'll give you some examples of what I'm working with. Flash back to when Mariyah is just a few months old. She has a high fever and she is coughing. Her dad, we will call him DJC, feels the best way to care for her is to put her in a turtle neck. He is literally yelling at me because I will not tell him where to find one in her dresser. He claims that the turtle neck will warm up her throat and help to stop the coughing. Now, my opinion, um hello!! She has a high fever, I think she's pretty warm all over, I'm DEFINITELY not putting her in any clothes whatsoever. Granted, we were both very young, 19 & 20. But I'm no idiot! Flash forward to last month. DJC takes Mariyah sledding....in the dark... at a park that although it has awesome sledding hills, also has lots of trees. She hits one of the trees, fracturing her elbow and hitting her back really hard. My first reaction is the hospital, I don't care if she's in pain or not, she hit a tree! His reaction is "Let's go to Tops and get a hot pack for her." Are you kidding??? So you can see his logic is a bit off. I'll blame it on his upbringing and leave it at that. Currently, I filed court papers to ask him to agree to change a visitation day so that Mariyah can attend church with us. He filed a cross petition asking the court to force me to allow Mariyah to have an iPhone (that he already bought her) with her at all times so he can contact her whenever he wants. He can easily call my phone and talk to her whenever unless we are eating, doing schoolwork or something else along those lines. I do not want my kids hooked to technology 24/7 and thinking its ok to communicate that way. There certainly is no reason for an 11 yr old to have a cell phone contract. There have been several issues in the past where technological devices that he has purchased for her have become problems. Once the police were even called on me because I punished her from it. Yes, the police came to my house demanding I give back the iPod. I angrily handed it to the officer and said "You can tell him I do not want it sent back to my house ever again!! And I'm sorry he wasted your time." I feel like I'm dealing with a child all the time. I can't take it. Even today, I allowed Mariyah to go over his house early and stay late because I had to work. He has her text me to see if she can stay another 3 hours. I say no and instead offer to let her stay another half hour. He hadn't fed her dinner yet so that's why he wanted her to stay longer. You had her ALL day and you can't feed her dinner?! Ugh!! So I stand firm on only allowing another half hour. He sends me a text which is too explicit to repeat. The gist of it is him calling me the "B" word, telling me to shut up and saying "FU". Normally he also calls me selfish among a host of other insults. Now, in trying to be christian, my husband has tried his VERY BEST not to murder him. Although, when a man (or someone who is supposed to be one) is constantly verbally abusing your wife and insulting/disrespecting her, it's hard to stay out of it. Somedays, I wish he would just punch him in his face so hard. But I know DJC, he will call the police and my husband will go to jail, which will be very embarrassing to explain to my pastor. However, it would ensure that my husband would get full body massages everyday for the rest of his life. Such a toss up... I know we are taught to love everyone especially our enemies. I feel like every conversation with him is a test and I fail every. single. time. I can't help but defend myself and fight back and say mean nasty things to him to make him feel bad because he angers me so much. I can't help it! I'm weak. And I'm in no way proud of how I make him feel. He's 32, homeless and living between his mom and sister's house. Never been able to make it on his own. No job. Collecting unemployment for the past 2 years while working under the table DJ'ing. He has two kids he barely supports. No future plan for life. 8th grade education. He's not very bright. He makes it so easy to hit him where it hurts. And I know it's wrong, because I'm sure that he tries to make me mad simply because I have a better life than he does. (I don't mean that as horribly stuck up as it sounds.) We split up and he thought I couldn't stand on my own two feet without him. I own a house, I get to stay home with my kids, I have an amazing church, an amazing husband, a family. I am blessed. He doesn't have any of those things and I'm sure he knows that he should have more to show for himself by now. He hurt me a lot when we were together. He belittled me, he abused me mentally,verbally and physically. He cheated numerous times and made me believe it was my fault. He ruined my heart and any chance to trust a man ever again. I had less than zero self esteem when we broke up. I lost my best friend and my family because of him. More importantly, I lost who I was because of him. I say that I forgive him for all of that and I want to believe it. I've told him that I forgive him. I WANT to forgive him but, I can't help but relive every moment of pain when he talks to me the same way he talked to me when we were together. I want to fight with him and say things to him that I should've said a long time ago. I want to talk to him the way he talked to me. I want to make him feel as small and unimportant and stupid as he made me feel. I want him to cry his eyes out for hours like I did. I want his heart to be so broken by the words I say to him that, he can't even feel pain anymore. That being said, I am trying so hard to grow spiritually and I am held back because of the anger I have towards him. I can push people away who hurt me and I can stop talking to family members who are hindering my growth. But I have no choice in dealing with DJC. I have to. I've come a VERY long way. I asked for prayer at church and I was doing so good for a really long time. I wouldn't respond to any text messages that included insults or curse words, that was pretty much every text he sent me. Our communication, was on an as needed basis only. We were doing well compromising when it came to Mariyah. I don't know what happened, he just flipped a switch and today started all the drama again. I realize now that it's hopeless. We will never get along. We can't work together. I am so thankful that God helped me to leave that situation and never look back. I will never forget the day I left him for good. We were in another argument and he was talking to me like I was nothing to him. I simply asked him if he ever planned to treat me right. He said, "No. Why should I? You don't deserve it." So I responded with, "Then you don't deserve me." With that, I walked away from him. It was the most ballsy thing I ever said to him. I was so proud of myself. After that, I went crazy. By crazy, I mean I did EVERYTHING that he hated. I cut my hair, I got a tattoo (a stupid one) and I went out to the club with my bff and got drunk~a lot. I'm not proud of the drinking or being drunk. Did we have fun, yes. Did we make some great memories/stories, yes. Do I regret it, no. I can't regret any decision I have ever made because it made me who I am now. Stronger, smarter and more me. It's also how I met my husband. Yes folks, we didn't meet at church or at a youth rally. I wish our story was that PG. We met at a bar, both drunk, both dancing a little too sinfully, both fresh out of a bad long term relationship, both with kids sleeping at gramma's, both with a broken heart and no ability to trust. And ya know what? God made something beautiful out of it. We are married, and we have a strong trusting marriage that involves God and a lot of praying from church family members. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He really is my best friend and I really trust him. More than I have ever trusted anyone including myself. He knows me and all my faults. He has seen me down right certifiably crazy and he still loves me. He has seen me scream I hate you and still loves me. He has seen me skinny, fat, a mess, beautiful, sloppy, neat, crying, laughing, sweating, and first thing in the morning and he still loves me. He held my hand and had my back through the long, difficult delivery of our son. He never left my side and advocated for me when I was unable to. He took my daughter in as his own and loved her despite the problems her dad causes. My family loves him simply because he loves me and he shows it by taking care of me and our kids at any cost. He serves our family like a MAN should. I know my dad appreciates that. He doesn't worry about me because he knows Michael is taking care of me. I've gone way off topic and I'm sorry but my husband is a miracle in my life and I can't help but brag even though he does drive me insane sometimes like when he makes us late for a party with our family from church. He almost lost an eye that night! Anyways, just pray for me if you pray and ask God to help me REALLY forgive DJC so I can move on, and also that God will give me the strength to ignore his nasty text messages. 

My apologies if this was too raw for you but I hold nothing back. I have nothing to hide. This is me. My past has made me who I am and my present is shaping my future. My struggles are what they are and they are real. I'm not perfect, I can't even pretend to be. I'm just another pentecostal woman trying to get to heaven...

The Power of a Praying Son

   So.... Its been a really long time since I've written a new blog. Not that I haven't had ideas stirring in my head and said to myself, "Self, you should totally blog about that!"
   Anyways, I wanted to share the SWEETEST story about my son. After school the other day, Michael's teacher called me. She wanted to share with me what happened in class that day. During the morning, Michael raised his hand and shared with his teacher what happened to his sister Mariyah. She was sledding and hit a tree, so she fractured her elbow. They talked about how scared mom & dad must've been and how sad Mariyah probably was. Then, he asked his teacher if she would pray for Mariyah to get better. She said she was so honored that he would ask her to pray and that it was so nice of him to think of his sister. She told him of course she would! So later on in the day, his teacher was reading poems and stories to the kids and Michael raised his hand again. This time he asked, "Are we gonna pray for my sister now?" You see, when we go to church and someone asks for prayer, we pray for them right there. Sometimes, we wait and pray all together for that person depending on the nature of the prayer needed. Michael must have assumed she was going to have the class pray together. Sadly, she had to explain that she couldn't lead the class in prayer but that she herself will pray for Mariyah tonight. She also asked the other kids, if any of them were praying people, could they pray for Mariyah too. We really have been blessed with Michael's teacher this year. She is just awesome and I'm so ecstatic that she isn't afraid to say words like "God" and "prayer" in the middle of class. I really wish he could have her every year. She is just an awesome, very caring teacher and she's so sensitive to the needs of each and every kid in her class.  
   What an awesome kid I have! This is one of those moments where you realize that even after all the tears and time-outs, our kids are really great little people and they DO listen. We must be doing SOMETHING right. After I hung up with her, I gave my son the biggest hug and kiss and told him how thoughtful and kind it was for him to think of his big sister. 

Move Over Betty Crocker!

Sooo... I've become a bit obsessed with trying recipes on Pinterest. I always see all these yummy pictures of food and wonder if they taste as good as the picture makes them look. I have tried many, many recipes posted on Pinterest and I know personally, I'd love to know if someone had actually tried it and how it came out so i decided to do just that! I know....brilliant right!? You're welcome :) I'm new-ish to the world of cooking so I like to try new stuff out. The kids and hubby seem to enjoy my culinary skills and I haven't killed anyone or made them sick....yet!

For my first recipe: homemade sugar donuts.

This recipe has the simplest ingredients ever!
-1 can of Pillsbury Grands homestyle buttermilk
-Sugar
-vegetable oil or whatever you prefer
-medicine cup (trust me)
-tongs
-brown paper bag (or something to drain them on)

Start by flattening out the biscuits. Using the medicine cup, cut out the middle of each biscuit and save that tiny piece. Put sugar in a bowl big enough to fit your donuts. Warm up the oil and once it's ready, you can begin placing the donuts in the frying pan. Mine fit 4 at once. Don't crowd them. You can also sneak in the little middle parts around the donuts. Once they are golden brown on the bottom, use tongs to flip them to the other side.

When they are finished cooking on both sides, take them out and set them on the brown paper bag for just a few seconds to cool. They only need to be cool enough to touch. Place the donuts or donut middles in the bowl of sugar one at a time and flip to coat completely. You can also shake them in a lunch bag of sugar too, but we didn't have any so I improvised with the bowl idea. Enjoy immediately!

If you happen to have any leftover, you can store them in an airtight container and they will stay soft. I hid/saved some just to see how they would be overnight, but if the kids had their way, it would still be a mystery... They were super duper delicious fresh out of the sugar!! I was concerned they would taste just like a regular biscuit, but we couldn't taste the difference. In my opinion, they tasted more like sugary biscuits THE NEXT DAY.

Cloud Dough

So we haven't done any really sweet crafts in a while and I saw a recipe for cloud dough. Never heard of it. Looked cool. Let's do it! So we did. We were able to make this for $3 total @ Dollar Tree. (flour, baby oil, container to store it) Of course if you have these items handy it could be even cheaper. The recipe is 8 cups of regular flour and 1 cup of baby oil. Mix it and voila!! You can get a 2 lb bag of flour and a 6.5 ounce bottle of baby oil at Dollar Tree. 2lbs = 8 cups. 6.5 ounces is less than a cup so we just took roughly a cup of the flour out. It took maybe 5 mins to mix it up real good. It vacuums up off of hardwood floors and I don't see why not out of a carpet but I haven't tested that. Also it isn't greasy from the baby oil FYI.

Chalk Is Cheap

   Im tired of buying chalk and it breaks within the first use. Even the thick pieces. Of course none of the kids want to use the broken ones. So there they sit, lonely, with no one to play with. No pavement or chalkboard wants them. Gone are the days where kids were just thankful to have something colorful to play with. 

   I've decided to try out a recipe that I found on Pinterest for home made chalk. It was really easy and didn't take very long to whip up. The waiting part took overnight but I can deal with that. You need: plaster of paris, water, food coloring, rubber scraper, a glass mixing bowl and mold of your choice. We used soap making molds.    

   Mix the plaster of paris 2:1. I started with a cup of plaster and 1/2 cup of cold water. That gave us enough to fill two big squares on our mold tray. After your plaster is mixed, you can add 8 drops of food coloring if you want. We tried adding 8 more to see if the color would be darker but it didn't seem to change very much at all. 

    

   Mix well and pour into your mold tray. Gently tap the bottom of the mold against the table to release air bubbles.

   Rinse your bowl immediately after your done with hot water and make more using different colors. Let them sit overnight to dry out. Carefully pop them out of the mold and VOILA!! We found all of our supplies at our favorite craft store AC Moore. If you sign up for their emails, you get a 40% off coupon each week. Thats when we bought our plaster. I think the coupon brought it down to around $5. That 4.4 lb carton will last us through several batches. So chalk IS cheap.

Happy Chalking!!

Home Made Bird Feeders

   Last week the kids and I decided we wanted to make bird feeders out of pinecones. So i took the kids on a walk at Turning Point Park which is such a nice place to go. If you haven't been there, you should try it. We found a lot of pinecones and we even tied our little field trip into what we were learning about in science, conifer trees.

   After we got our pinecone treasures home, we noticed a few that were not quite open yet. If you have a few like this all you need to do is turn your oven on 200-250 degrees and bake your pinecones on a cookie tray lined with wax paper. This will dry them out and allow them to open. It also gets rid of any bugs that may be inside them so thats why we just cooked all of ours. Watch them carefully, so they don't burn and once they are open you can remove them and let them cool. Ours took over an hour. I started the oven at 200 and quickly lost patience so I cranked it up to 250. 

   Besides pinecones, you will need peanut butter, string and birdseed. Tie your string on first. We tied some at the top and some at the bottom, both worked the same. Next, you lather up your cone with peanut butter and roll it in the birdseed. Ours seed was in a big bowl. I found that was easier for the kids because they could grab handfuls and pour them on the pinecones. After they are covered to your satisfaction, put them on a tray until  you are ready to hang. Then find your favorite tree branch and tie the string around the branches. Now, just wait for your feathered friends to find their hand made treats! 

It was 73 degrees on this 1st day of spring

   Another option we made afterwards was this last picture. You poke holes straight through the tube and insert sticks for the birds to perch on while they snack. Also poke two holes at the top for string to be able to hang it. Spread peanut butter on the same way and add bird seed. We took the sticks out before we started the PB and put them back in once we were done with the seed.


   My next venture is making a home made suet feeder and home made suet. Even though I work at a pet store and can probably get one cheaper than i can make one, its more fun for the kids to make it themselves.

HAPPY SPRING

  

Home Made Dryer Sheets

For a few months now, we've been using our home made dryer sheets. I've still got many more uses left out of them but thought I'd share the "recipe". It's really really really easy. Like you won't even need pictures. Plus I don't have any lol!

You need how ever many old washcloths or towels you can part with. I found about 5 washcloths and 2-3 small hand towels that had been stained or ripped. You will also need a small bucket like sand pail size or bowl. Lastly, your favorite FABRIC SOFTENER. I used downy lavendar scent.

Cut your washcloths in half and cut your towels into a similar size. Put them all into your bucket. Pour the fabric softner on top of them making sure they are all covered and soaking. You may need to save some strips to soak later if you don't have enough room in the bucket. Let them soak overnight. Grab a strip, wring it out and hang it to dry. Make sure you put newspaper under them to catch any drips if you need to protect your flooring. If you have dry ones left over then you can soak them now and repeat the process. Once they are dry (ours took overnight), you can stack them up and just toss one or two into your dryer load. You can reuse them several times. My cousin said about 30 times each which sounds about right but I haven't been keeping track. Just make sure you find them when you are folding and replace them on the bottom of your stack. You can resoak/reuse these until they fall apart. One small bottle of softener has lasted us about 3-4 months and we still have hundreds more uses left. Oh and if you wash one like I did once, no worries. Just resoak it. Mine actually still had some power left in it so I didn't need to do anything.

I've tried an even cheaper option. You can actually make your own fabric softener using conditioner vinegar and water. Then, use that in place of downy or whatever you use. I personally didn't like the home made softener but we used really cheap conditioner and it was too flowery for me. I'll stick to my lavendar downy!

Happy home-made dryer sheet making!!

Cappuccino gone wrong

Pinterest strikes again! I need more energy, plain and simple. Everyone says coffee but it's repulsive to me. I even plug my nose in the coffee aisle lol! I found a recipe for home made cappuccino which I do love! Odd right? Tell me about it. So after work last night (about 9:30 pm) I went over to Pittsford Wegmans which is massive chaos at any other time of day. I got all the ingredients I needed and drove home to concoct my creation. After I had everything all together, I microwaved some water and put 3-4 heaping tablespoons of my mix into the water. I stirred and stirred. When I took my spoon out, it was full of coffee grounds. It suddenly occurred to me that while I knew I had to get instant coffee I had actually purchased coffee that you would brew. Yuck! So there's a whole batch of this stuff sitting on my counter bc I'm trying to figure out if I can strain out the coffee or put it through a coffee maker. Or maybe it's just a total loss. Lesson learned: never buy coffee alone unless you know what your doing. Man was that a dumb move. At least I could laugh last night. It was really quite funny! Well at least now I have coffee for when my mother in law comes over. She has a stash in my cupboard with all the supplies lol! I DO have a coffee maker though! It only brews 4 cups at a time. (It's for company what do you want from me?! LOL) Happy wacky Wednesday!
Update: I tried to put it thru the coffee maker. One, it was really watery. Two, I had to add a lot more creamer to make it drinkable. All in all, it wasn't bad per say. Just not to my tasting as it had too much coffee flavor in it. Looks like I'm going back to get INSTANT coffee...

What am I really teaching my kids??

So it is now 10:30am and I am still in my bed. Blogging from my warm comfy blankets. The kids are being super quiet so as to not "wake me up". Because that means we have to start school. Who doesn't love a day off? Sorry kids, snow day was yesterday. Today we must work. Now I'm not a morning person by any token. I usually let the kids sleep till 10 am but today, we are obviously "late for school". I hate when my alarm goes off at 7:20am. I turn it off at that point. Don't judge me, at least I don't pretend I'm actually going to get up by hitting snooze 10 times lol! I tend to do my best thinking in the morning silence, even during the random barking from my 3 lovely animals. Yes 3 dogs... God help me! So I'm pondering how I can change our schooling schedule so the kids get more out of it. I feel like I'm just doing the bare minimum. I mean I'm a creative person. I can teach them arts/crafts all day long. But I can't incorporate that into grammar or math or that awful boring history/social studies. Remind me why we NEED to know that stuff again? I've never had a moment where I thought, "man I should've paid attention in social studies so I could write this stupid grocery list or do laundry or make dinner. Or so I could get this floor mopped the right way!" I just don't see the use other than knowing a few presidents, who took credit for discovering America, names of continents and some other important events. All those wars and treaties etc.... BOOORRRING!! Useless information. I stand by my opinion that I've never used that knowledge enough to have needed to take that class all those yrs. Theres always google when you get stuck lol! Anyways, I've always thought the Charlotte Mason approach was good so I spent some time on that site this morning picking and pulling from different areas. I think I have a good schedule now. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing enough. Like what are they really learning. I wanted to provide them with a fun school environment. It's not turning out like that though. I feel like they would be learning so much more back in public schools. Which unfortunately some of what they learn would be bad. Sometimes I question our decision to homeschool. Was it the BEST idea for our kids? In some ways I know it is because I can see how close the girls are now and Michael too. Also I am becoming more in tune with their lives and styles. Mariyah is really advanced in math and loves to wear sweatpants everyday. Jocelyn needs someone to hover over her while she works and she gets it 100% when you do. Sometimes she would prefer to do math under the table. Strange but I've gotten over the fact that it's not good lighting under there because she seems to concentrate better under there. I know what kind of books they like to read and how long their attention span is. My poor son, I've really been slacking on him. He knows the ABC's but couldn't name them or tell u sounds. He likes to read his Bob books and occasionally do work from his workbook. He's not motivated at all and I run out of steam quickly. He asked about going to school next year so I signed him up. School is only 2-3 blocks away but it will give us time to work. He is a constant interruption during the day which makes for long days of school work. He sits with us sometimes and will want to do work but mostly he likes to drive his sisters crazy. Next year we are going to try a different math curriculum. We like apologia science so we will continue with that. I'm looking for a new grammar/language arts text. We've been through 3 this year, blah!
Well it sounds like my snuggle buggle is coming upstairs to cuddle. Time to get my lazy butt on the move so we can do our work and play outside! Maybe even do our work outside??

Answered Prayers (last blog today I promise)

Do I really need to brag about my God? ....YES! So during Thursday night services, I was talking to another member about how there are so many families integrated into our church. There are generations of families that are still growing. It seems everyone is related to someone through marriage or blood or fifth cousins or something. But for us....its just us. My kids don't have a grandpa or gramma or aunt, cousin etc that goes to church with us. This makes some family gatherings awkward bc our families are just not aligned the same way. We make due but we don't compromise when inappropriate things are brought up around our children. We won't tolerate it. Now I'm getting off topic... OK, so this past Sunday, we brought our niece to church with us. She actually asked if she could spend the night so she can go to church. Not so she could sleep over with the kids lol! Of course we said yes! After services, we stopped off at a flea market and the kids and I waited in the car while my husband looked around for more stuff we don't need but thats a whole nother blog! I asked her how class was and she said it was good. Then she said,"I started to cry in class." Mama mode kicks in unnecessarily and I asked who was bothering her? What happened? She told me the most beautiful confession. She said that while she was praying she was praying about her life and her mom and she just started to cry. I said,"Do you think God spoke to you through the lesson?" She goes,"I don't think so? I didn't hear him talking?" LOL!!!! Kids!! I didn't push further on because I wanted her to know that what she prays about is between her and God and she doesn't have to share if she doesn't want to. Later that night I got a text from her mom that said, "thanks for having her, she had a great time." So I texted back that she was always welcome to come and I shared that she told us she wanted to come again in two weeks. Her mom said that her son was asking about church and that she was thinking about it too! I was dumb founded! We talked for literally hours about everything, I tried my best to encourage her and she finally decided that she will come to church with us. I am super excited! Now I don't know what my niece said to God but I do know that He was listening. Not only did He answer her prayers about her mom and their life, but mine also. If her family does end up coming to church, then we won't be the only part of our family there. I am def gonna be in some lengthy prayer this week. I can't wait to see what God does next....

Candle Magic...

   Saturday was a busy day for Pinterest projects. Besides playdoh we also made personalized candles. This was prob easier than the playdoh to start with but ended up being quite tricky. You will need: 1 white pillar candle, white tissue paper, scissors, craft paint and markers, wax paper and a hair dryer or embossing gun. 
   Next time we make these, I'm going to try it with a colored pillar candle for a background effect. For this project we used sparkly tissue paper and it came out pretty cool. 

How to do it: Cut a piece of tissue paper that is the same size as the pillar candle when wrapped around it. Then using your markers and paints, you can create any panoramic design you like. We put a paper bag underneath the tissue paper before we started which ended up sticking to and ripping our artwork. Wax paper worked best. You can also make cute little flowers with your finger tips (tip from Pinterest). Once you are happy with your picture let it dry. Now comes the tricky part... wrap your tissue design around your pillar. Take a piece of wax paper and wrap that around the tissue. While holding the wax paper with one hand, use your hair dryer on high heat to  stick the tissue to the wax paper. This will take some time and patience. I ended up wearing an oven mitt to protect my hand from the heat. While heating up the candle, move the hair dryer back and forth in a slow motion so you don't concentrate on one spot too long. You will start to see the tissue merging into the candle. You will need to move your wax paper around the candle to be able to "melt" all of the tissue. Once finished, remove and discard the wax paper and VOILA!! 

(This pic from www.cometogetherkids.com)

   This was the one I did. You can see I didn't do a good job measuring the tissue so once it was done I used a box cutter to remove the excess tissue at the top. Notice the sparkles that were in the tissue paper. I thought the paint would scratch off but it doesn't unless you really are trying to scratch it off.

Have fun with this one!! 

PLAY~DOH PARTY!!!!

   During one of the several hours I spend each week on Pinterest, I found a recipe for playdoh. So, this past Saturday we decided to try making our own. I came out really well and it smelled great! The kids had a blast doing it and no one cried which is always awesome. 
   First, we got a glass mixing bowl (you could use plastic too) and we added 1 1/3 cups flour, 1/4 cup salt, 1/2 tsp cream of tartar and 2 packets of our favorite color koolaid. Don't use magical clear strawberry koolaid or lemonade-my sister found out the hard way, it doesn't yield a pretty playdoh. Mix all those dry ingredients together well with the utensil of your choice. We used forks.

 

   Now boil 1 cup of water and 1 1/2 TBS of oil together. Pour the hot mixture into your dry ingredients and mix it all up. Pour carefully so you don't splatter the hot oily water on the curious little ones who want to see what your doing. 

I suggest to start by trying to get all the dry mix from the bottom of the bowl first. That worked best for us. There will come a point where it will be difficult to mix the ingredients. 

   Have an adult empty the contents onto the table and knead it the way you would with bread. Caution: it will be HOT!! Once it is fully mixed, you should have a softball size worth of yummy smelling playdoh. 

   My daughter assured me it still has that salty tasting quality of store bought playdoh-dont ask! You can store it in a ziploc baggy or other container. I think next time I may half all the ingredients and make several new colors to replace our current containers full of mixed playdoh that no one wants to use. ENJOY!!

Rain is pretty...

February 23, 2012

Today I am so thankful for Gods chosen path for me. I feel like He has always been pushing me and screaming my name to come to Him but I was just too stubborn to listen. He never gave up though. Even when I chose the wrong path, He still made sure there was an exit that I could get off at whenever I was ready to listen. My life was just a mess and sometimes I wonder if i really would be dead right now if I had stayed on that path. I don't know how I made it home sometimes. I would go out and drink with my friends and seriously drive home very much drunk and yet i would make it home. I would work a 13 hour day and drive all the way from Greece to Hilton and make it home despite falling asleep at the wheel a couple times (on more than one occasion). Why did he chose to save me? Why me, why am I so special? I haven't done anything significant in my life to glorify him and warrant such a saving grace. Yet He never gave up on me. He didn't take no for an answer. He made sure I met and kept in touch with Jessi, Cheryl and my husband. Those people have played a very significant role in my path towards God. And bc I'm so stubborn He had to bring me all the way down to the worst (or at least it was to me) time of my life. It took a lot of hard times and sorrow for me to listen and give up on doing things my way. 

I am so lucky to be part of a church full of amazing and beautiful women, inside and out. I remember one of the first women's get togethers. I knew no one. I felt awkward and out of place and I just didn't fit in. I was stuck to a seat and I wasn't trying to mingle or move. Then this really nice woman named SN came to sit next to me and she didn't move either. She talked to me the whole time and made me feel so much more comfortable. she got to know me and made sure I was included in the conversations at the table. The rest of the women at our table did too. That was so special to me. So many of the mothers at our church have helped make me what I am and its bc of their love for Christ and what He is doing thru them. CS showed me what it's like to have a solid lasting marriage. CC showed me what an amazing wife is. SA has great mothering skills. Sis MS has the energy of a power plant, seriously I don't know how she does it. She is so giving and sweet, that she showed me her paperwork for homeschooling and gave me so much information and support and encouragement. CN showed me how important is to your marriage to be able to laugh with your husband. Sis CS showed me how to be a well put together lady of the house. She's so feminine in a house full of boys. She too was very giving with information on homeschooling. Ch gave me the biggest shove to homeschool. She homeschools her kids and works. That takes tremendous strength and patience. P.T. always has a smile on her face and she always takes time to say hi to my family. She is just so happy that its impossible not to sponge off of her. I could say wonderful things about every woman I've gotten to know. And I could say all these things about each of the women I've mentioned. They are all amazing moms and wives and there are hundreds more just like them in my church.

yesterday when I was on my lunch break, I went to mcdonalds. normally there are mass amounts of kids there between 12pm-1pm but this day was exceptional bc its february recess. so multiply the kids times a gajillion. I've never seen so many chicken nuggets and happy meal boxes in one place in my life. being that it was my lunch break, I wanted a little bit of peace and quiet. I chose to sit in the window area and watch traffic. It started to rain which normally makes me think of mud and dirt ~ mess! But since I was trying to relax, I think I saw it in a different light. The rain was so pretty. It was just coming out of the sky and hitting the windows, rolling down, so clean and just beautiful. I was just thinking about what an amazing creation it was. How can science explain that? "Rain gets absorbed into the clouds and then when certain hot or cold fronts blow against them, the rain descends from the clouds" or something like that. LAME! God made it! It rains when God says it needs to rain and thats how it happens! I'm done trying to explain things scientifically to the kids. Trees grow because God made them for birds, squirrels and other animals to live in and be safe in. It also creates shade for us when its hot. Back to the story, the rain was so pretty and I was glad to have enjoyed it on my lunch break. Thank you Jesus for your beautiful creation! xoxo

Michelle

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NO MORE TV!

November 17, 2010

Today we had a visit from John Drew aka pretty much a jerk. He has always ripped us apart when he comes in. nothing is how it should be and everything is wrong. no matter how long we prep the store and clean and straighten he is just never satisfied. however, today he was very nice or just in an amazing mood. he said the store looked great and we seemed to have finally "got it". he said we should be proud that we've come a long way. its all true we really did bust our butts the past week. staying late till 12:30 or 1:30 just to get it all done. lucky for me wendy let me go home after he left. i was exhausted and i really missed my kids. its nice to enjoy spending time with them again. 

on another note ive been trying to remove the tv from the kids lives. pastor k. mentioned that he felt like it brainwashed ppl and i kinda thought the same thing after he said it. it made sense. kids see violence even in cartoons and being mean to ppl and treating others wrongly. sometimes even curse words. all michael wants to do is watch cartoons all day. he has a million toys and he wants tv. ill admit the tv is very convenient when i need the kids to wind down or be quiet. its an attention machine. and im sure pastor was correct saying it causes ADD. sunday night michael was not in the mood to go to church. it would've ended badly. so i stayed home with him. on one condition….no tv. he wasn't happy but we ended up painting a few pictures, cleaning up, playing a few board games and having a good time. i told him we could finish up the night eating popcorn and watching the wizard of oz. it was a lot of fun. the next morning he woke up asking to play board games instead of watch cartoons. so now as a general rule he may watch 30 minutes of tv and thats all. if he watches a movie before bedtime thats ok for now. but im hoping to phase that out too with music or something… most of the families in church do not have tvs in their home much less a tv in every single bedroom as well. hopefully michael is on board too. we both are trying to get our family to be more aligned with Christ and our church. i know we will accomplish it bc we have Gods blessing. michael is playing with playdoh right now. he watched cartoons for 30 mins and i said ok tv off, now lets play playdoh. of course he was all about it. 

last night i saw on Facebook that cheryl posted something about her daughter Mia. the doctors thought she had signs of lyme disease. she was asking for prayers. of course i prayed for her last night and today. i saw on Facebook this morning that Mia was cleared of Lyme disease. she has a bad sickness instead. but it will pass. either way thats better than Lyme. thats is just proof of Gods miracle of healing. he is so amazing.

You CAN Learn From Your Kids...

    So, just before Easter, the 3 girls and I (being the craft junkies that we are) went to AC Moore and grabbed a bunch of stuff to make a mini Jesus project we saw online. The craft itself was a little tricky but the kids love a good challenge and i wanted to use the time we spent making it, to reflect on the TRUE meaning of Easter and why/what we are celebrating. They basically already knew being that it was taught to them in Winners Club at church. Reinforcing the lesson at home is always a good thing though. Anyways, back to the blog...

    My son was asleep when we did the project but he loves to paint stuff too so he also made one with me a few days ago. Today we worked on it a little more together. Basically you get a small Terra Cotta pot and a wooden ball, some brown and white felt, gold glitter glue, little paint and VIOLA! The pot is white the ball is a flesh color.   So while I was working on something else, my son sat next to me and painted his pot. He asked if he could paint the inside red - his favorite color. I said sure since the inside of the pot is never seen in the finished project.   I stop paying attention to what he's doing for 2 minutes-big mistake lol! He is painting Jesus' head bright red!! I'm like, "NOOOOO!!! What are you doing?!" He just wanted to paint the ball red too. I tried explaining to him, as if he could grasp the concept of the vision I had, that the ball needs to be flesh colored because it is going to be His head. With a sad, puzzled and yet still uncaring expression he said, "I just want to paint the ball red because its my favwit color. Can I??" I tried to tell him that Jesus' head is not red, it's peach. Then I thought for a second and mid-revelation I just said, "Sure kid go ahead, whatever floats your boat."

    You see, I suddenly remembered that Jesus' head IS in fact red. Or at least it was. While He was being beaten, tortured and forced to carry His cross, Jesus' head was red. Red with the blood of redemption. Blood that was shed so we didn't have to die for all the sins we committed. 

    Last night, on May 1, 2011, President Barack Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden was killed and his body was taken into custody by our military. Hundreds of thousands of people cheered and were happy and felt closure for the horrible acts of violence he committed against Americans and their families. When I heard the news my original reaction was that it was of no importance to me. Even this morning after I've had time to let it settle in, I still cannot rejoice in his death. How sad his family must feel, how sad his followers must be. How did it make you feel when terrorists rejoiced in the death of your husbands, wives, siblings, parents, children, etc? There are two commandments God has given us. Love the Lord with everything you can, Love your neighbor as you love yourself. That includes your enemies. The only one who knows where Osama's final resting place is, is God. Although we can speculate and assume he is in eternal Hell, we should pray for him and his loved ones anyways. What did Jesus do while He was nailed on the cross? He asked His father to forgive the very men who were making Him suffer so much. How can you not do the same? 

    Furthermore, about 2-3 months ago, my family was eating lunch at Pudgie's Pizza. My husband and I were reading the paper and I came across a big article on the student who was killed at the U of R in January. They interviewed the mother of the victim. She stated that she wanted no part in his trial. She forgave him for what he did to her son who she will never see again. A son she never got to say goodbye to or even hold one last time. This mother told the newspaper that she actually was praying for the young man who took her son's life and she was praying for his mother too! Jeffrey Bordeaux's mom felt sad that not only had she lost her son, but Darren Venable's mom might lose her son too if he was convicted. That blew me away. I was in such shock, you always hear about vengeful comments and they solve nothing. It's not often that someone turns to Jesus and draws from the forgiveness he gives us. She said that bringing his killer to justice would serve no purpose. It wouldn't change anything, her son will still be gone and now another mother would be sorrowful for losing her son too. What does that prove? How does it solve anything? IT DOESN'T!! After reading the article,I felt stronger. She inspired me to show forgiveness to my own enemies. If she can lose her son and say I forgive you and I'm praying for you to the young man who took his life....what more can WE do? That woman is truly strong in Christ. 

   I'm thinking about how today there are so many people who seem to just write off the death of Jesus as a simple story. Our father gave up His son for us and we should be praising Him and thanking Him for His love and mercy. But, our flesh is so strong sometimes, that we fail to see anything besides what is in front of us. We see that we are behind in a bill, have a flat tire, a long day at work, a pain somewhere in our body, lose a loved one. What we don't see, is that we will have money to pay that bill because we have a job that makes us work more hours, we actually have a car to get around and don't need to walk in the rain and snow, we can feel pain period and are not paralyzed, we don't see that we have so many loved ones still here when there are many people who have no living family anymore.

    In closing, I'm just glad to have access to change myself with the help of God. I'm so thankful for the mercy that He has shown me when I didn't deserve it in the slightest. When I was baptised, He washed all my sins away. Everything that I was holding onto in sorrow or in heartache was gone. He allowed me to let go and start fresh. I am part of an amazing church who guides me and prays for me when I need it or don't need it. Yet, still I miss services for the dumbest reasons. If there's a service, then that is where I need to be. If God's word is being preached, then I need to hear it wherever it is. I am by no means perfect and I'm not expecting to be anytime soon. The only thing I ask God to do when I pray, is to keep working on me. You don't give birth to a baby and then give up when they can't read or walk in a month. You help them and keep working with them, showing them how to do it until they master the skill. Then, you move onto the next one. Same thing God does with us. 

*~May His goodness and mercy be with you all the days of your life~*