So many things I could be thinking about. But Gods grace..... It's just amazing. As I sat in church listening to testimony from a sister who's been in the church for decades, I just kept hearing Gods grace. How He changed her, how He made her better, etc. And then it brought me back to this past Thursday when I just had to tell a mom that her two girls are just amazing. I love love love watching them worship and dance and come to the altar, watching them pray for other women. They have even prayed for me. They are such beauties inside and out, and they are so young! But they've already decided that they want God in their life. What grace! And I got to witness that! In fact I've witnessed it 2-3 times a week over the past 5 years. Their mom gave all the glory to God, again, what grace! She took no credit for herself even when I tried to say it starts with an example at home. I know God made that happen but He worked though a willing vessel, her. Now in my life, I am always in awe at what God has done. I used to drink and hang out at clubs and bars. I used to swear like a trucker, I told dirty jokes, laughed at people's misery, even created misery for some people. I was rude, unlady-like, selfish, mean, angry, judgmental, and blamed God and everyone else for all of my mistakes and short comings. I hated people, I picked on people, I belittled people. I never cared who it hurt. But then.....Gods grace. We started going to church and hearing THE TRUTH. Although it was never directed towards me, because how could our pastor know what I was like with us being brand new, the message was always for me. It was constant; repent and be baptized. Every service for weeks this went on. So I spoke to the pastor after service one day and the next week my husband and I were both baptized in the name of Jesus for remission of sin. Just like that, I was given grace. It didn't matter what I did in the past, it didn't matter who I blamed, it didn't matter how many broken promises I made to change if God would just help me through the current situation. None of that mattered. It was all erased. Not just forgiven, but forgotten, gone, it never happened. My favorite line in a song says, "Imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened, is now....gone!" Every time I hear that, I tear up. It's true, it's gone. Don't think that He doesn't know every single thing you've done in the dark or in secret. He sees everything! But His grace can make it go away, all that pain and hurt. No one and nothing on this earth can make that go away, not a bottle, not a drug, not a good deed. They may help temporarily, but not forever. The devil is always quick to remind us of our past, but we don't live there anymore once we are baptized. He just wants to remind you of who you WERE and tries to make you believe that God hasn't forgotten, but I assure you He has. I've done terrible things in my lifetime. Yet God has blessed my marriage, my children, and my life. I know that I wouldn't be with my husband today if it weren't for grace. My girls, although still wouldn't be as bad as the teens nowadays, definitely wouldn't be where they are. My kids are a living testimony of what God can do. They all are good students, great Christians, just great people. Beautiful inside and out, trustworthy, modest, and they make good choices. I wish I could see my life if I never went to church. God isn't done with me yet. I fail Him daily, but there's that grace I keep mentioning. He knows my heart, He knows when I'm truly sorry for mistakes I make. Don't think that just because you're a Christian and you go to church every week, that you are all set. It's not just somewhere to hang out Sunday's so you can feel good about yourself. You have to want to change, and be sensitive to what you are commanded to do. No one will have the same journey as you, so don't be a judging Christian. Maybe God delivered you from a foul mouth but not your brother or sister in the next row. So what! That's between them and God. He doesn't expect you to come out of the waters of baptism and poof, you're perfect! You just need a willing heart. Willing to change and accept conviction. I know I'm all over the place but that's how my brain works. I also realize that I've started a lot of sentences with "and" or "but", which as a grammar freak, I hate!! I write what's on my heart when it's there. There is no time for editing. I'm not writing for my SATs.
In closing, I will leave you with a piece of my favorite Kirk Franklin song.....
(Spoken)
This song is dedicated to people like me.
Those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self-esteem.
You've never felt good enough, you've never felt pretty enough
But imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened is now...
...gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's all gone, every sadness)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Every mistake, every failure, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Depression, gone, bad faith, it's gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Low self-esteem, Hallelujah, it's gone, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone, all my scars, all my pain)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's in the past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, ah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(I can't believe it's gone)
(Gone, what you mother did, what your father did, Hallelujah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone)
